Happiness ..why cant i keep you..!!

Happiness is a scarcity... at least for me it is...i have always come so close to it that i could feel it...
but as soon as i decided to grab it ...it ran like a crazy bitch..!!
earlier i used to run after the bitch...used to make a lot of effort before being disappointed and disheartened...but now i just can't find a reason to run after it like before....
what happened to me is still unknown...how could something change me so much that i transformed into a completely different person...
I never believed that anything could change me so much...after all i was a smart brat who always got his way...!!
understanding the harsh realities of life is one thing but not being able to get that one thing that u wanted so much even after trying your heart out....Now that Stinks..!!
i know and often people tell me there is no use crying over spilled milk.. but what if i wanted to back in time and stop it from spilling...would you do so or still let it be spilled ....
Somehow i am loosing everyone i ever truly loved...sometimes physically ...or else emotionally...
I mean i agree i haven't been the perfect son....or the perfect boyfriend.... but was it that bad ....!!
i tried a lot to make myself believe that time will heal everything and that it will show me the way...but now i am not sure if my time runs a little late but i cant wait no more...
Why does everyone move on... n why the hell am i stuck ..!!!
the pressure is too heavy for me to handle...i ain't that strong....i want to share it with someone..!!!
N not finding that confidant in the person u loved is more painful that n kick in the crotch..!!!