thers's a lot that goes on in this mind of mine..but finding a stable solution to it is like finding a needle in a haystack.. i always hated school..but its now that i realise it was so much better...no worries..no tensions..parents always telling u what to do..u never had to worry abt the wrong stuff...caus they will whoop ur ass n make u do the right thing..i remember how much i hated it that time...but now i wish..there was someone who could tell me what to do..n what not to do...managing ur own screw ups is not that tough but when there's a long queue of it..u tend to loose focus...
sometimes u just dont know what to do about these mixed up feelings...u know a lot of things...u r really good at making others understand when they need ur advice...but when it comes to urself..its not possible..u cant implement them on u...atleast that has been the case for me...i have been told a lot that i give great advice but when it comes to implementing them in my life...i never do it..i never ever follow anything i preach...i am a strange person..cause i know it for a fact that if i just follow 1% of what i preach my life wud become so much simple n straight...just that i guess i never had the courage to take a descision that wud change my life forever..or someone else's.....
i have always known that i was never a normal person...i never used to think normal..i used to think really really different than what others wud expect of me..n i never wanted to change myself just for someone... but still i dont know how or why people used to like me...i was never an outcast...or even a bystander in a group..i was an active member of it..i guess life has a way of giving ...u might call it destiny...or god...but i call it..'life'...every one gets his share...n never try to compare ur share with others...all r equal..in different ways...u might not understand that time...
i have always screwed up my life even though i always had everything i could ever wish for...i always got more than i deserved from people i least expected..life has been really generous on me...but i never had the courage to pluck someone out of my life..so that my life could get simpler..especially the close ones... i have been cold to everyone but when it comes to my close ones..which r very few..i dont know where my coldness goes..i am a completely changed person..
people call life a hard ass teacher...but life always gives u roses..depends on u to hold them by the petals or by the thorns..!! u make or break ur own life...life will giv u ample chances to correct ur mistakes..depends on u whether u take em or overlook em...
sometimes the fog starts to clear up...n the true destination starts to appear...but i am not sure as to how long will the fog take to thicken up again... mind has an awesome power of controlling every other part in you...it can make u do almost anything... keeping my mind sane is near to impossible...i am still trying really hard... i have realized one thing... my mistakes were all double edged swords...they have not just hurted the other person but they have affected me equally..or maybe even more...i always keep a track of my mistakes...never lose focus of them..
but i seriously doubt if this focus would prevent me from doing these in the future..being a virgo comes with a price...n i pay an extra bonus for being me..!!
everyone always told me that the things u do will always come back to eat u...i never gave a rats ass abt it..then everythin was abt being cool...being a dude..having experiences to tell to friends...but then it all comes back...it slowly starts getting under ur skin..u wudnt know it until it is all around u...n then its too late... then u wish if just u would have understood then what ur elder sister..or ur single friend..or ur parents had been telling u was so right..wishing just for another chance...but i guess all the proverbs that we studied when we were small all start coming true.. 'as u sow,so shall u reap'..... n reaping..is tough when u cant tell anyone about what u did....feels like a wild animal being caged in a really small cage...gushing to come out..and also knowing that if this monster comes out ...it will leave ruins in its way...nothing but ruins..everything u have built so far...would be blown to smithereens.. its like being caught between the 'rock n the hard place'...both sides u will get hurt..so choose wisely...so atleast have a helmet on..if u have an affinity for trouble too like me...
Its been quite long since i wrote... but actually after reading this stuff i realized that i was pretty much correct about myself all along.I have a disastrous tendency that tends to lead me on a way which seems full of fun and happiness but turns out to be the opposite.The beautiful things were just on the door..but when the door opened all hell broke loose.. I read someplace a very beautiful line that "Its painful to forget and its painful to move on but not knowing what to do is the most painful of them all".. i never got literature before..i guess in order to get literature u need to be a pretty mess.!!
I realized that u can have all the fun u want.. enjoy all the parties possible.. have fun with all the people u thought were fun but at the end not having anyone to come back to and share all that sucks...!! U don't need booze or chicks to make u feel better when u have someone to share your life with but in case u don't have anyone.. well then these 2 things come in handy..A LOT..!!
screwing up ur life is really easy but bringing it back on track is a tough nut to crack..
ReplyDeletethers's a lot that goes on in this mind of mine..but finding a stable solution to it is like finding a needle in a haystack..
ReplyDeletei always hated school..but its now that i realise it was so much better...no worries..no tensions..parents always telling u what to do..u never had to worry abt the wrong stuff...caus they will whoop ur ass n make u do the right thing..i remember how much i hated it that time...but now i wish..there was someone who could tell me what to do..n what not to do...managing ur own screw ups is not that tough but when there's a long queue of it..u tend to loose focus...
sometimes u just dont know what to do about these mixed up feelings...u know a lot of things...u r really good at making others understand when they need ur advice...but when it comes to urself..its not possible..u cant implement them on u...atleast that has been the case for me...i have been told a lot that i give great advice but when it comes to implementing them in my life...i never do it..i never ever follow anything i preach...i am a strange person..cause i know it for a fact that if i just follow 1% of what i preach my life wud become so much simple n straight...just that i guess i never had the courage to take a descision that wud change my life forever..or someone else's.....
ReplyDeletei have always known that i was never a normal person...i never used to think normal..i used to think really really different than what others wud expect of me..n i never wanted to change myself just for someone...
ReplyDeletebut still i dont know how or why people used to like me...i was never an outcast...or even a bystander in a group..i was an active member of it..i guess life has a way of giving ...u might call it destiny...or god...but i call it..'life'...every one gets his share...n never try to compare ur share with others...all r equal..in different ways...u might not understand that time...
i have always screwed up my life even though i always had everything i could ever wish for...i always got more than i deserved from people i least expected..life has been really generous on me...but i never had the courage to pluck someone out of my life..so that my life could get simpler..especially the close ones...
ReplyDeletei have been cold to everyone but when it comes to my close ones..which r very few..i dont know where my coldness goes..i am a completely changed person..
people call life a hard ass teacher...but life always gives u roses..depends on u to hold them by the petals or by the thorns..!!
ReplyDeleteu make or break ur own life...life will giv u ample chances to correct ur mistakes..depends on u whether u take em or overlook em...
sometimes the fog starts to clear up...n the true destination starts to appear...but i am not sure as to how long will the fog take to thicken up again...
ReplyDeletemind has an awesome power of controlling every other part in you...it can make u do almost anything...
keeping my mind sane is near to impossible...i am still trying really hard...
i have realized one thing...
my mistakes were all double edged swords...they have not just hurted the other person but they have affected me equally..or maybe even more...i always keep a track of my mistakes...never lose focus of them..
but i seriously doubt if this focus would prevent me from doing these in the future..being a virgo comes with a price...n i pay an extra bonus for being me..!!
everyone always told me that the things u do will always come back to eat u...i never gave a rats ass abt it..then everythin was abt being cool...being a dude..having experiences to tell to friends...but then it all comes back...it slowly starts getting under ur skin..u wudnt know it until it is all around u...n then its too late...
ReplyDeletethen u wish if just u would have understood then what ur elder sister..or ur single friend..or ur parents had been telling u was so right..wishing just for another chance...but i guess all the proverbs that we studied when we were small all start coming true.. 'as u sow,so shall u reap'.....
n reaping..is tough when u cant tell anyone about what u did....feels like a wild animal being caged in a really small cage...gushing to come out..and also knowing that if this monster comes out ...it will leave ruins in its way...nothing but ruins..everything u have built so far...would be blown to smithereens..
its like being caught between the 'rock n the hard place'...both sides u will get hurt..so choose wisely...so atleast have a helmet on..if u have an affinity for trouble too like me...
Its been quite long since i wrote... but actually after reading this stuff i realized that i was pretty much correct about myself all along.I have a disastrous tendency that tends to lead me on a way which seems full of fun and happiness but turns out to be the opposite.The beautiful things were just on the door..but when the door opened all hell broke loose..
ReplyDeleteI read someplace a very beautiful line that "Its painful to forget and its painful to move on but not knowing what to do is the most painful of them all".. i never got literature before..i guess in order to get literature u need to be a pretty mess.!!
I realized that u can have all the fun u want.. enjoy all the parties possible.. have fun with all the people u thought were fun but at the end not having anyone to come back to and share all that sucks...!!
ReplyDeleteU don't need booze or chicks to make u feel better when u have someone to share your life with but in case u don't have anyone.. well then these 2 things come in handy..A LOT..!!