Kabhi Dhoop Kabhi Chaav..!!

Jin sapno ke motiyon ko dil main piroya tha,

aaj wo tumne aankhon se baha diye.

Jin khwabon aur khayalon ko phoolon se sajaya tha,

Aaj wo sab tumne ek phoonk se hi murrjha diye.

Jin sunahare dino ko yaad kar k dil khush hota tha..

Aaj wo tumne peetal aur taamba bana diye..

Tumhari har baat ko dil se chipka ke rakha tha,

Na jane kyun tum ye dil hi cheer k chal diye.

Humne to apna bhala bura sonchna chhod diya tha,

Aankhen band kar manzil ki or chale the.

Dil main bharosa aur hath main hath liye,

tumhari zindagi k tarazu main apni khushiyon ko taul chale the.

Hume kya maalum tha ki aadhe raste main tumhara hath choot jayega,

Aankhen khone pe bhi sirf andhera hi andhera nazar aayega.

Lakh pukarne pe bhi tumhari aahat tak mehsoos nahi hui,

shayad main hi pagal tha jo akele hi mazil ki aor chala ja raha tha.

Sath rehne ki kasme khayi thi , vaada kiya tha..

aaj unhi ko todte waqt tumne ek baar na soncha.

Tumhe chot na aaye to sahara ban k piche khada tha,

tumhi ghayal kar k chali jaogi, ek baar na tha soncha.

Syahi se jo likha tha , aankhon se nikli boonden baha gayi,

jo khoon main likha tha use kaise mitaun,?

Aap to khushi khushi alvida keh k chal diye,

Jo gulistaan maine basaya tha use kaise hataun.?

Gir k khada hona seekha hi tha,

Aaj shayad taang hi toot gayi.

ladkhada k chalna seekha hi tha 

ki zindagi apahij banane aa gayi.

Koi baat nahi humsafar, Ye bhi jhel lenge,

Ye dil mazboot hai, Ise bhi seh lenge.

Jitni dhoop badhani hai badha lo aee saaki.

Hum bhi musafir hai , Chav dhoond hi lenge.!!

MAYBE..!!

Sometimes i don't get this world. We say that life is not about the destination but about the journey. Then why did this journey have to be so confusing and unclear. You are asked to make goals and work towards them but no one tells us which way to take when you reach some cross roads working towards them.

Many times i have felt that having walked on way for quite some time you realize that that was'nt the path you should have taken. When you realize this you have two choices. Either retrace your path back till the point you find the right diversion and take the other way or carry on your current path hoping that it will lead your destined path somewhere in the future.

On this branching tertiary path system there are no wrong paths since all of them reach the same destination...Death. All that matters is how you reach there and the experience s you gain on the way. So that when the final day comes and you are transcending this world you have no regrets and no pending wishes which you kept postponing waiting for the right time.

Sometimes the right time is now.!!

The problem comes, as in my case, is when you know the destination but don't know what way to take to reach there. Unable to understand what to focus on.! Which path to take since all the paths look equally good. Being too scared that i wont be able to retrace my steps once i move forward. Too unsure of the path to take next. Being pressured by my family to go ahead on one path,  peer pressured driving me to yet another and my mind wanting to skip all this and take a completely different path.!

So many options but which one is correct..!! Which is the RIGHT CHOICE..!!

During my long and intensive Application and Interview process i was asked various question like
Why MBA?
Why NOW?
etc etc

which after a lot of practice and revision i answered as per the expectations of the reviewer but these questions raised similar questions inside my head and i could not convince myself.!

The problem here is not about not knowing what to do but instead trying to do too many things and not knowing how to put priorities for them.

People often tell me that life is too long and i have a long time ahead of me to figure this all out. The problem is that seeing the majority of people living a boring life and hating their everyday monotonous work life ( me being one of them) makes me wonder that does this regular lifestyle makes life feel longer..!! Would it feel shorter if i led a more meaningful life ..! Something that was much more emancipating that my current life..!! Maybe traveling..!! Maybe working for an NGO..!! Maybe doing a Marketing Job..!!

What i wouldn't give if i could just know the answer..!! But i guess the torment is part of the journey..!! Maybe the pressure , the guilt, the confusion, the despair and the fear are all an integral part of the journey. Maybe they will shape up my future along with everything else..!! MAYBE..!!

Trying to Find My Passion..!!

Clueless , Confused, Skeptical and Scared...

Trying to do something that i never dared..

Forced to accept this monotonous Lifestyle...Always told by others to take the safest side.

Stuck in quicksand...not ready to accept my fate...

Knowing that this wasn't for what i was made..

But not knowing what was i made for..

Desperately need to know that before i completely sink in..!!

The Long Wait...

 Like the new bride's wait to see the Full Moon...

Or the happiness of the bees awaiting the Summer Bloom..

 I wait for my heart to start beating soon..

As i count the days for the return of my Monsoon..  

Like the first drop of rain on the scorched , cracked Soil..

Like a mother seeing her baby after all the turmoil..

I wait to look at those bright brown eyes..

Those lashes...those lips...that soothing big smile...

Bereft of light even a diamond appears as stone..

But bring a ray of light and it's sparkle just grows..

Coping up somehow as the Days pass by...

Waiting for my wind that always helped me fly...

My vision is so blurred and my touch so lifeless..

I cant find happiness in the regular life's shabbiness...

I am just a body with a missing hollow core..

I await my Gabriel who always made me whole..!!

The "BOX Culture"

Sitting in my cubicle one late evening working on some Customer Issues i realized something that scared me a little. Having worked in the IT Industry for more than 2 years now i realized how much it had changed me.It was making me something that i never wanted to be.
It was making me Box in myself and feel ok about it.The 4 walls in office....and the 4 walls of my room after coming back from office...That was it..! The only out of the BOX experience i got daily was the ride to office and back. It feels so pathetic to call that as the most exciting thing of the day given bangalore's traffic..!!!
But the worst thing was that even though this "Living in the BOX" was getting under my skin but my life was slowly changing into this Monotone of order.The best thing about life is its wondrous unpredictability but somehow i was fine living in these boxes.
I could feel a part of me dying everyday but still i was going through each day living in the BOX since changing things required a fresh perspective and fresh effort and i didn't know where to start.With every passing day the effort grew and my determination shrunk.But thankfully on the verge of completely loosing it i found my Vent....!!

You blew me Away..!!

I wish i had words,to describe how i felt.

I thought i was stone but you made it melt.

I never thought i had it in me,

the love,the passion,the carefree glee.

I wandered high and i wandered low,

But i didn't find it anywhere,that i know,

When i stopped looking and had lost all hope,

I saw you in that velvet blue robe.

I dont think that you noticed me much,

but u were the one, i had a hunch,

U were surrounded by people all around,

But i found my chance and stood my ground,

Frankly i was never sure if it would ever happen,

you were the forbidden fruit and i was the adam.

the only difference in this story being,

that adam loved the fruit more than eve.!

You had me in the first 5 minutes we met,

But these 15 months have been the best days of my life, i bet,

You were there for me always and nothing made you sway,

i always fall short of words cause you blew me away..!!

The Need to be Accepted

Well i was just talking to a friend of mine and was listening to her problem.Trying to give her advice on how to cope up and i figured something.
Something not just about her or me but about each one of us. Our "need to be accepted". It could be need to be accepted socially..or in a corporate world...or by your parents etc etc.... the list just goes on and on.
And that got me wondering that each one of us has a special set of people or a group in our life from whom we expect acceptance. Ad we try our best...sometimes our whole life to receive acceptance which might succeed sometimes or might end up as a futile attempt which lasted a life time.
Now while i was giving up advice to this friend of mine i realized something that we cannot rule this aspect or human nature from our life however hard it might seem.We cannot overlook the fact that we need acceptance to strive in society and to many times accept ourselves. We can argue that "why do i need acceptance form someone else..?" ..."I like who and what i am and i don't need someone else telling me that i am alright.." . You can be the most bad ass person there is but you will always expect acceptance from someone or the other. A thug accepts it from a bigger thug... in the corporate world we work hard to be accepted by our peers and bosses... As children we study hard and get good grades to be accepted by our family and friends. You cannot survive your whole life without acceptance. If you don't get it from the conventional people and methods you will find someone or something that will accept you the way you are.
Because at the end of the day everyone wants to be acknowledged for who he is.
I get the fact that you cannot expect acceptance from everyone you want. in many cases you will be accepted by only a small fraction of people in your life for what you actually are. Each one of us has a set of people who end up not accepting us for what we are but at the end of the day you need to decide your priorities.Great men ... most of them.. Einstein...Edison...Lincoln...were always ridiculed and were not accepted in the society initially for who they were and what they believed in.But they ended up finding acceptance in the work they did and their peers. Well later on the same society accepted them as heroes too.But had they not received any acceptance from any one or as long they lived they would have died a phantom death much before their actual one.
I don't say that this need to be accepted is bad. In fact i believe it is one of the driving factors which helps us conjure up enough courage after a rejection to try again to be accepted. I believe we need to have a set of people from whom we expect acceptance.This helps us grow...learn..and strive for success. Plain success without acceptance doesn't mount up to much. The only thing is that we need to be careful in figuring out this set of people. You should not expect acceptance from someone who is an irrational fool not ready to understand or indulge. You would not receive it form him..what ever you do...but instead you will always be let down.Find tat one person that accepts you the way you are ad that will make the journey a lot easier that striving all your life to be accepted by fools with hats.