To be or not to be..!!!

The one question that lingers in my mind from time to time..
Should we be what we should or should we be what we are...
I wish i knew the answer or knew how to get it somehow..
I don't know whats worse..not knowing the answer
or not being able to get the question out of my head..!!

I have been on both sides or this treacherous river..
Both banks looked right when i was on it..
It was not a question of abstinence or indulgence...
it was a question or realizing my true nature..
Is it hedonistic or austere...evil or pure..

Whats this urge to switch sides which comes and goes from time to time..
Why cant i keep myself steady on one bank without looking at the other side..
Things which seemed wrong earlier ..seem right now..
and things which were fun earlier have a way of becoming foul...
we try to fight our sudden urges but seldom fail...
The question is not "why couldn't we ?"...but "should we..?"


I think about it sometimes..mostly drowning it in thoughts of something else..
There is so much confusion and so many routes..its hard to filter one out..
I thought of giving faith a try ... thinking what do i have to loose...
The path was tough and absolutely new..for a non believer fool...
I had tried it earlier but always failed..but this time i gave it all i had
And to my amazement something absolutely unexpected happened..

I found that all things happen for the greater good..
just that without faith its hard to gulp that down...
I gave it a shot and it didn't turn me down...
it helped me whenever i was about to drown...
I searched for this guardian angel all my life..
and now that i found it i dont knw whom to follow...

At the end of the day the biggest question still remains...

WHO AM I..??

Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead..!!

Lage Ki Zinda Hun Main..!!

Diye jala ke baitha hun...roshni fir bhi nai aati...

Khidki kholne ki himakat ki hi thi ...ki andhera andar aa gaya....

Is soone kamre main ek ajab sa sannata hai....

koi sannata cheerti hui cheekh hi sunayi de jaye to lage ki zinda hun main...

Roz ki zindagi ab bemani lagne lagi hai....

Kaash koi pakad ke jhinjhod hi jaye to lage ki zinda hun main..

Ragon main khoon beh beh ke paani lagne laga hai...

Koi aa ke thoda sa baha hi jaye to lage ki Zinda hun main...

Bawandaron ka saathi tha.....Is khoon main bhi wo garmi thi...

Waqt ke thapedon main bhi mastak taane jo khadi thi...

Us aag ko thanda hote mahsoos kiya hai maine...

Koi thoda sa jala hi jaye.. to lage ki Zinda hoon main..

Merei zindagi ka koi khaas fayda nai dikhta...

doosron ke liye jiye ja raha hun main...

Dil main apne toote kaanch ke tukde samete hun main...

Koi mere liye bhi jiye.. to lage ki zinda hun main..!

Aag bhujh gayi hai par angaare abhi bhi sulag rahe hain....

is neeras si raat main taare abhi bhi chamak rahe hain..

Apno ka khayal har dam dil main rehta hai.....

Koi aa ke peeth thap thapa jaye to lage ki Zinda hoon main..!!

The Things I Could Never Say

Aap aaye to hawa main bhi nasha sa cha gaya hai...

Aap aaye to is soone dil main bhi toofan sa aa gaya hai..

Aapko ek pal dekhne ki aas par hi ji rahe hain...

Appka aks mehsoos karne ke liye hi mar rahe hain...

Aapki wo madmast karne wali khushboo..

Aapke sath ki gayi wo har justjoo...

Aapki wo shararat se bhari nazren...

Aapki wo baar baar mu pe aati zulphen...

Wo saare sath bitaye varsh...

Aur aapka jhatke dene wala sparsh...

Aapka wo ruk ruk kar muskurana

Aur poochne par has kar sirf sir hilana...

Aankhen nam ho jati hain jab wo pal hume rulate hain...

Chehre par ek ajib si kasak reh raji hai jab wo pal yaad aate hain...

dil bechara wo sab fir se karna chahta hai...sunna chahta hai...

dhadakte dhadakte thak chuka...ab wo bhi kuch dhadkane laangna chahta hai...

Kaash ye duniya itni zaalim na hoti...

Ya ye kambakht dil itna darpok na hota..

Magar is dil ki dhadkan ko khud se alag kaise hone dun...

Badi mushkil se fir sunayi di hai...ise fir se ansuna kaise hone dun...!!

Jab maanga tab na mila..aur jab mila to soncha na tha...

Kya karen.. kaafi waqt se ye saali zindagi ko kisi ne roka na tha..

Ruk ruk ke chalti hai ...aaur chal chal ke rukti hai...

Par sali meri zindagi ki gaadi...kabhi seedhi nai chalti hai..!!  

Aortic Pump..!!

The places you go...the people you meet..

Leave a mark ..how much ever bleak..

Human heart is really vast...

It can accommodate a lot of past..!!

People come and people go..

But this stupid heart doesn't forgo..

time and again it keeps on stacking...

oh how i wish it loved a little slacking..!!

Piles are made ..archived and stored...

and nothing or no one is ignored..!!

All fall in this stupid heart..

A few in the right places...rest apart...

We never have to sort the people in there..

It does it automatically for all we care..!!

We never realise how these people landed where they did..

But whenever we think of someone we find them in the right grid..!!

Human heart is a major mystery...

Its vast ,complex and has a lot of history..!!

How we try to understand this vile creature..

who resides in each of us like a bad ass teacher..

who lets us fall in all the pits and pots..

giving us practical lessons which help us alot..!!

I tried to control this inhumane preacher...

But couldn't control his primal features..

It gives us pain...and gives us sorrow..

and then makes up for it by making us happy tomorrow..

Its the most worthless yet the most important thing..

there is no living with it..or without this stupid thing..

I tried to understand it but lost everytime..

But never was i sad on being defeated by a fine line..!!

I understand now the most important fact..

Somethings are better left intact...

The more i try the more lost i become.....

But one thing is for sure..i love my Aortic Pump..!!  :D

The End Result is Worth The Wait..!!

I feel happy but not content …
I feel ridiculous but still don’t resent..
I made my own way and now m stuck…
Never knew it would still be dumb luck..

Over the fence and into the Ditch..
Still no better than the previous shit..
It a patchy road with loads of bumps..
the moment u relax … u hit a bigger lump..

The patches of straight make u go fast…
but the bump in the end has the last laugh..
your body gets bruised …your vehicle is battered…
But u still keep on going as if it never mattered.

I will not fall …I will not give up…
Even if it takes a lifetime to sum up..
I might get battered ..i will get scraped..
But the end result is worth the wait..!!

Freshness Returns...

After a long stretch of rain and storm..

When the sun shines high and clears the dark clouds..

The happiness returns to a sinking mariner..

Who was ready to read his final vows.

Holding on to a plank ,the last remains of his ship..

Being pounded by the waves and crushed to a pulp..

Looking high in the heavens as the lightning tears the sky..

Trying to figure what he did to deserved such a smite.

Pretty sure of his demise his life started to flash..

Knowing he did everything for the one but still met his match..

Waiting for the dark waters to finally engulf him..

And hoping to meet the maker to finally question him.

But the one who was watching had some different plans...

After the gruesome night ,the day befalls

And the same dark waters sparked like diamonds

The same pounding waves patted his back..

The new found faith and the new found fate..

Were refreshing but a little confusing..

Taking some time to settle in his thoughts..

he finally found the reason for his miracle.

His test was over and he had survived..

The dusk of darkness was now the dawn of light..

His eyes couldn't believe and he stood there in awe..

A sandy shore and palm trees were what he saw...